Relationships can be a deathtrap for dependencies.
I’m not talking solely about romantic relationships, I’m talking the whole shebang: professional, friends, creative, family etc.
I’m not anti-relationship, I’m just pro-watch-out-for-developing-dependencies-in-your-relationship. When we put the key to our happiness in the pocket of others, we’re now at their mercy. Not all folks are looking to exploit the power they’ve been granted, but sh*t still tends to happen.
The most important relationship you have is with yourself, simple. Putting the responsibility of your smiles on anyone else will often lead to the opposite, and you have no one else to blame but yourself. This anti-victim mentality isn’t popular, because people don’t enjoy the onus, but it’s probably the only way to ensure a longstanding healthy ability to have meaningful relationships.
We’ve cheapened the word love to the point that it’s common for someone to say they love you, and then no longer mean it short time later; What is ever really love? Does a mother fall out of love with her child? If the dynamics of any relationship changes, what usually causes it?
One of those answers is expectations. The love we seek is generally riddled in conditions, but the fairy tales make us feel that it’s unconditional. Respecting the fact that relationships are based on conditions may not be the most romantic, but it is the most realistic.
I encourage y’all to be independent, not because I want you to be, but because you already are. We’re born alone & die alone, and again, though that lacks the romance, ensuring you put your relationship with yourself first, will dramatically enhance your ability to have relationships with others.
Dependencies aren’t healthy, whether it be to a substance, idea, or another human being. In this sense, having/wanting less results in having more. I’m not an idealist, in our daily lives we have to depend on people for things to get done, but if we acknowledge the dependencies early, it cushions the blow dramatically if expectations aren’t met. It can also serve to motivate us to be in a position to further reduce the dependencies we can survive without.
I’m not advocating a life of complete isolation & simplicity. I’ve always had a life rich with people & complexity, but at the same time, I do find peace in simplifying & cleaning the clutter.
I also know if you’re not happy with yourself, nothing can fill that void to compensate.
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